I have been in Georgia for almost 2 months now. I am so thankful that I get the opportunity to see this new gastroenterologist. He is amazing! When I am finished with my antibiotics for this stupid sinus infection and ear infection then I will be able to start my new treatment.

I am also thankful to Jamie and her husband for opening up their home and letting me stay here. I am thankful as well that they arranged everything so that I could be here.

I have met so many wonderful people while I am here. I wish that Oregon wasn't so far away from Georgia.

My laptop battery is about to die so I will get on here later on in the week to post more. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Music is Medicine

I don't know if it is due to being able to play some musical instruments or because of having been a dj but I love music! Music is what helps me to get through difficult times, it helps me to celebrate happy times. Music is like food for the soul. I have two favorite musicians one is Sage Francis, because he is like a poet, he isn't for everyone though as he speaks his mind and sometimes people get offended, but not me, Sage is a master lyrical poet. My other favorite is Eric Dodge. Eric is not only phenomenal country music singer, but he has a huge heart. Eric is getting the word about him and his music through social media. I am hoping and praying that more and more people hear about Eric, so that he can continue to flourish as the remarkable artist that he is. Even though I have never met him in person and have only communicated with him through the internet, I consider him a friend and it isn't just because he will sing my requests, it is because he will email me back and tweet me back and it feels as if we are having a face to face conversation.

Eric is a friend of The Flylady and she has helped to get the word out about him. He really is amazing and if you are a fan of country music, please check him out. It is very difficult for me to pick one of his songs as a favorite because I like them all, but please give Eric's music a chance.

Elder Christenson got a bear!

Elder Matthews getting a deep condition

It has been awhile since I have written. I hope I can get better at this blogging thing. Well I have been sick again :( On March 25, 2011 the surgeon installed a lifeport in me. It is a double leumen 8 french lifeport. It is supposed to help with the chemo and with iv fluids as well as blood draws. It was very scary when I woke up and felt the two incision points. I am glad that it is over now, as I am starting to get used to having something implanted in my chest.

I have lost another 10 pounds. 30 more pounds and I will be down to what I was in college :D 40 more pounds and it will be the weight I was in high school.

I have been busy with working on my book which is about dealing with Crohn's Disease. I want people out there to know that having a chronic disease like crohn's doesn't have to be life ending. That with the right support, you can make it through, and that you are never alone unless you choose to be alone. I am thankful for the very few who have stuck by my side and who have helped me to know that I am not alone. Yes it still breaks my heart that there are some out there who I have done so many things for to show them love and support and they have chosen to cut me out of their life just because there was a difference between me and someone else. It is frustrating because it didn't involve them and they still cut me out. I still love them and would still do anything to help them though.

I know that I am not a perfect person. I wish I were perfect because I don't like to offend anyone. When I do make mistakes and offend people I don't even want to be around myself. I hope that if any of you who are reading this, that if I have offended you in any way that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I am not perfect, but I try to be a better person every day.

Help

I have been feeling like I am drowning with no life jacket. I know in my head and heart that God is there and is trying to help me. I just wish I felt His presence more.

I feel so alone that it hurts my stomach and I feel like vomiting. I feel like since I can't have any children due to my hysterectomy and I can't afford to adopt, my purpose as a woman is no longer there. My heart aches to be a mother so bad. I see other friends and family members with their children and it hurts that I will never have that opportunity. I feel so worthless.

I don't like feeling this way and I want a way out of feeling like this. I need help and don't know where to turn.

Please someone help me. Help me to know what my purpose is. Help me to know that there is hope for me. I hate feeling so alone.